TIPS FOR DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

One thing that is constant in life is that we often meet people who may be difficult to deal with. These are people that quite a number of people have confirmed that they are hard to please, hard to cope with, unpredictable and rather difficult to understand a lot of times. You see them everywhere, in your neighborhood, at work, in church...everywhere! Their difficulty manifests itself in various ways like being negative in everything, those who rarely cooperates with others, those who don’t value the input or contributions you make. Some are even so passive to the point of sabotaging your best efforts or obtaining a master degree in spreading rumours. At the end of the day, ‘a difficult person’ is based on individual perceptions and things that disturb you. So, how do you manage them, especially those ones that you cannot avoid?

I used to have a boss some years ago who was just difficult! You couldn’t tell when he was happy or sad, excited or disturbed. When you tell him ‘Good morning”, he chooses if to reply or not. I found it difficult to cope with his style and started to explore how to relate better with him. I discovered that difficult people struggled with the same things that other people struggled with. They struggled with having a balance with their emotions. Underneath all the whining, rude behavior, complaints, arrogance etc. is someone who is normal, has the same struggles but don’t know how best to project themselves other than how they have become.

It becomes very necessary to have a coping strategy for those category of people who just know how to ‘press your buttons’ or who simple are difficult to relate with.

Here are some tips for you:

1. Turn the situation around: Identify the issue and analyze it. What are those things that triggers your own reaction to their behavior? What reaction does their bad behavior elicit from you? A correct analysis will help you to react less in the event of future occurrences.

2. Exercise Self-Control: As the recipient of the bad behavior, you must retain your self-control and be calm. Take deep breaths that would reduce your response rate and calm your nerves before you respond. Choose to have a tight rein on your emotions rather than give in to the urge of nagging, complaining, withdrawing etc. Ask yourself ‘Will what I say or do respect both my values and theirs?”

3. Retain Respect: The tendency is to flare up or display annoyance when a difficult person misbehaves, but the best thing would be to choose to keep respecting their feelings and emotions. Realize that the person has an intention and try to respect their views.

4. Acknowledge their perspective: Give them a room to speak first, to offer. Acknowledge their views and ration it by saying something like “What would you like”, or “Did you just say…” etc.

5. Let the person know where you are coming from: As a common rule, be clear about your expectations and try to communicate them clearly and politely.

6. Keep your focus on the solutions rather than the problems: take your eyes away from the problems the situation is causing or might have caused and focus on how you would handle the situation going forward.

If all fails, after having done all of the above, then define the limits and set boundaries with such people. Remember that your mental health is important for healthy living. Squash any negative self-talk you may have that puts you down, you are not the problem! Don’t deprive yourself of sleep and take advantage of your support system.